Living Like I’m Dying

I’m in the shower the other day, I started to think “but what if I only had a few months left to live, what would I be doing with myself?”

This made me think of my family and what do I really enjoy or want to do in life?

I want to give! And its sounding in my heart louder than ever. I’ve witnessed it as a whisper for a while, but not pounding like this now!

So yes I’ve taken time out to visit my family and friends back home. I’m grateful to my students back in the UK who have been patient and hung on in there, it certainly hasn’t gone unnoted. So I thank you, for allowing me this space, to grow and explore, so I may bring to you a more genuine, fulfilled me.

I’m now living as if I only have a few months to live and how does this change my experiences and relationships with people? Even strangers?

Acts of kindness… this is so London: not looking into someones eyes. I get it, protection, fear. But what if you do look into someone’s eyes? Maybe talking to the person on the plane next to you, when you would have normally ignored them. Or telling someone you like their dress this morn? No need to tell them your life story…

It may feel a bit uncomfortable breaking the ice at first but the results are so worth it! Give it a bash!

How does this change the insecurity I have in myself to feel i’m not good enough? It takes away the importance, so I don’t care so much.

It’s such a cliche to say “live as if it was your last” it never made much sense to me when you consider having to pay the bills and family. It sounded a bit mad to leave all those responsibilities behind to the wind, so this made more sense to me…

“Live as if it was your last few months” really ask yourself (doesn’t have to be in the shower for you) What would I be doing if I knew it was my last 3 months to live? What comes up for you?

Let people know you love them!

Be compassionate to strangers, maybe even people that piss you off “even that guy on the way to work the other day”

Impact peoples lives for the better!

And do things that make you feel good inside,

People you don’t even know so well, let them know you thought about them.

All you take with you at the end is your experiences. What you left here. So leave the good along with others on this planet. So I’ve heard about it from books and podcasts but now I’m feeling and understanding it.

A small snowy peak of it has revealed itself to me and I want to climb it. It feels good.

Maybe this is just one of the pinnacles, with all the constant reading and questioning these last few years. But who cares if you making a positive difference to others and loosing the importance for the crap that didn’t matter anyways: like insecurity and gossip and flabby thighs. Discriminating whats of no use and finding a clearer path to happiness.